Excerpts from: A Vicious Cycle - "Remember this moment of your deepest pain & know that you survived it" - Father to Daughter talk

Jasmine was livid when she saw her father rush into the section of the emergency room where she was waiting. She winced while sitting herself up and allowing her feet to dangle from the floor all while holding on to the edge of the hospital bed as if the remaining of her life depended on her existence of being for the next moment to come. Her right eye was swollen shut, lip busted, and the whelps on her legs and back pulsed with pain. She felt the warmth of the blood trickling down her neck from the open gash on her head caused by a purple, wedged heel shoe from Macy's. “Baby girl… Daddy’s sorry”. With tears streaming down Jasmine’s face, she screamed out, “I HATE YOU! GET AWAY FROM ME!” Eddie crept closer to Jasmine and whispered “I’m sorry. I wasn’t there. I swear, as God is my witness, I will never let anyone hurt you like this again.” “YOU LEFT ME. YOU KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING TO ME THE WHOLE TIME! AND INSTEAD OF PROTECTING ME, YOU LEFT ME. ME! YOUR LITTLE GIRL. YOU CHOOSE DRUGS OVER YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. YOU WENT OFF AND GOT HIGH AND LEFT ME FOR DEAD. NOW YOU WANT TO COME TO ME, WHEN I HAVE BEEN BEATEN FROM AN INCH OF MY LIFE TO SAY THAT YOU ARE SORRY? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AND I HOPE YOU FUCKIN DIE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. MY HERO! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE THAT SAVED ME. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME. LOVE ME! BUT ONCE AGAIN, YOU STOOD ASIDE AND DID NOTHING. I SCREAMED FOR YOU AND YOU DIDN’T COME. I NEEDED MY FATHER AND HE WASN’T THERE. WHERE WERE YOU? OH YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. YOU WERE SOMEWHERE SHOOTING UP HEROIN. YOU WERE SOMEWHERE GETTING HIGH WHILE YOUR LITTLE GIRL, YOUR ANGEL WAS GETTING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HER BY THE VERY WOMAN WHO GAVE BIRTH TO ME. YOUR WIFE! I’M DONE WITH YOU. I’M NUMB TO YOUR EMBRACE AND NOW YOUR APOLOGIES FALL UPON DEAF EARS. I DON’T BELIEVE IN FAIRY TALES ANYMORE. LOVE DOESN’T EXIST. YOU DON’T EXIST! ALL I KNOW IS DISAPPOINTMENT AND PAIN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED WAS TO BE LOVED AND PROTECTED. I NEED MY FATHER. I NEED LOVE FROM MY MOTHER. HELL, I NEED MY FATHER TO PROTECT ME. FUCK! I JUST NEED TO BE LOVED AND PROTECTED. I DESERVE THAT MUCH. DON’T I? Jasmine paused waiting for Eddie to answer. She glared into Eddie’s face and slammed her fist on the hospital bed while shouting out to the top of her lungs “DON’T I?!” Eddie nodded in agreement and said “Yes, you do. There are no words created that I could even use to begin to heal your pain. I abandoned you. I got scared. I couldn’t protect you and instead of trying to protect you, I chose to take the cowardly way out and got high. I have run out of excuses. I have no excuse. And if you never speak to me again, I will understand baby girl. But I need for you to remember this moment right here, right now. I want you to remember how you feel right now. Hurt. Abandoned. Lied to. Unloved. Full of rage. I need for you to remember this moment. You are going to move past this moment because God built you that way. You are strong. You’re actually the strongest person I know. And the next time, you get hurt, someone disappoints you, lets you down, I want you to remember this moment right here. Because this will be the moment that you will say to yourself; I survived worse and kept pushing forward. I have been down. I was laid out at the very bottom of hell and I got back up! I already felt this pain. I looked the Devil in the face, said no more & clawed out of the belly of the beast! I am a survivor. I will never be hurt like this again. The most powerful word you can ever say is "will". This is your will. You say that word Baby girl, in any statement that comes out of your mouth and God will see you through. I need for you to remember that always. I will not be the only one that has or will hurt you. There will be others who will hurt you. Intentional or not, there will be others. There will be too many who will disappoint you. There will come a time or two when you'll find yourself standing completly alone during pinnacle points in your life. There will be an army of people in masks who will lie to you and take from you. These things unfortunately happen in life. It’s a cold world out there. This was not a lesson I ever wanted to teach you. I didn’t want to be the one that hurt you. I know I am supposed to be the one to save you. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I have been too busy trying to find someone to save me. I have no excuse for my actions and I am deeply sorry that I hurt you. I love you more than life itself. I just haven’t figured out how to show you that just yet. But I want you to hear me good baby girl. I hurt you. I did you wrong. Don’t you ever let anyone else hurt you the way that I did. And if by chance someone does. Remember this moment of how you overcame it and move forward. You hear me?” This time it was Eddie who paused to wait for a response from Jasmine. “I’m still your father. Answer me. Do you hear me?” Eddie asked sternly. “Yes… I hear you.” Jasmine whispered. She felt the hot tears stream heavily down her cheeks while staring at the hospital floor. There was a moment of silence as each word her father said seared through her soul. She looked up and her father was gone. All that remained were the echoes and pain of his honest words.